There’s this video made…that has been circulating the internet.

I watched it today off of a friend’s link. It’s hilarious.

I just opened my email to find that my dad wrote me an email back. I had sent him a picture earlier of the entire family while he’s gone. Since he’s going to be gone for a while – till beginning of May and I missed him.

I had just spoken to him the day before yesterday…and he mentioned that he wanted to have the language of his email interface changed – so that he’d be able to read it. So I changed it for him and while doing so, I thought to email him.

I can’t believe he emailed me back. My dad’s English isn’t exactly very fluent so the fact that he wrote back and he made an effort really means a lot to me. I mean…reading it just made me miss him more and my eyes water….

He said where he was and told me that he would take care of himself, not to worry.

I am just so touched. I know its just a simple gesture but it means so much that he did. I know he seldom or never emailed anyone outside of a business context before.

I am rather happy that I am home today since I don’t have class tomorrow. I got some groceries and some fruits. I just hope I make use to tomorrow to study.

Stomache. I am starting to feel slightly more motivated now. Listening to music helps.

I watched a little bit of Gilmore Girls but it’s just disappointing when the present episodes and season has not really gotten to the good expectations that the previous seasons have given me…or to that quality.

I am feeling slightly more motivated but of course, my tiredness and my stressfulness will later be wearing in soon and then I’ll be rendered useless to myself.

Ugh, why does the timing for the conference always not a good time. Timing never really works.

Listening to lovely-dovey music makes it slight depressing and a bad reminder of my small barely run in with Greg today.

Yes, my stomach did the twirly thing. Unstabling and I vaguely have to be in the same room with the guy for three days. Wonderful…try to act cool or normal Natalie. Not ackward.

Hopefully my sanity will remain with me pass today.

Someone help me out…I am feeling utterly pretty much almost no motivation to work and I know I should have motivation and such.

This is constantly a problem with me. My lack of motivation. I’d just wouldn’t feel like working and nothing to get me going. Music sometimes gets me going, or watching Gilmore Girls but lately none of these aspects are getting me motivated to work…and I have so much work and I know that motivation of course plays a very important role in doing well.

I need to do well but I feel like something is missing. I feel empty – someone help me feel motivated.

Seriously, I can’t sleep properly at night because they’re STILL up (roomates) and now I can’t nap because they’re choosing to vaccum. So when can I sleep?

I know I know…with the workload I have I shouldn’t be sleeping or napping. Ugh.

I keep forgetting that i have this blog. Which, I think will inadvertly replace all my other blogs.

I have SO MUCH work to do. And my recent poor result in my physiology course will mean I really have to pick up the slack.

List of things to do:

• Social Psychology Paper – before Friday
• Personality Chapters (5 chapters) + Lecture notes
• Proposal/assignment for Social Science
• Reading for Health
• Reading for Physiology

Things aside I have to somehow also figure out how to do:

Get a dress or a semi fancy top for the dance/dinner on Saturday.

*sigh* Well I am going to take a nap right now and then wake up later to do the rest.

Oh my goodness. I completely forgot about this blog and I have officially wasted – about …5 hours on blog sites. So glad I found this one back.

That’s how it all plays out. In the end, in everything you can’t achieve. In everything you know you shouldn’t want because you can’t afford to have.

You want and live through everything else. You live through watching others do what you can’t. You look for an outlet. You look for a reason to hope. A reason to make sense of everything – sense of how I live now. I sense of how I ended up like this.

Or maybe we just don’t know what we want till we see what we don’t have. Maybe the mind is really that strong. Standing here. Seeing how I’ve become. So cold, so distance and so indifferent to everything I used to value – maybe this is proof that anything we can leave behind.

But if we can leave anything behind. Where do you find the motivation to move at all. What if things no longer need you to walk away and it just fades away while you stand there and watch, then what is left to convince you to take the next step?

I’ve been feeling so scared. Running away from this stress. Running away from my fear. Looking for an outlet only to find that when I turn around there’s nothing there. I am just here all alone.

But what are you missing when you had nothing to begin with?

I am so scared for the upcoming exam and in the midst of all this frustration in feeling incompetent and not knowing how to tackle it has caused me to avoid it…

So tonight. Pray for me. I am going to stay up and drink up fluids (caffeine) and give it all I got try my best and hope for the best. I can’t fail. I can’t afford to fail period.

Just finished watching One Tree Hill. And that’s what I conclude from that episode. I really like Jimmy Eat Worlds New EP – Stay on my side tonight. I am going to search for it in stores even though it only has 5 songs on it.

As much as I am tempted to click on a button and get it off iTunes. Now that my shuffle is gone. I am back to cds and which means I will be investing into a new pair of earphones soon.

Today – I have finally found the cassette am/fm recorder my mother wanted. Finally found a store that is still selling something obsclete. It’s Panasonic too. So now I made my list and in fear of not being able to – get it all (the presents) on time I am going on Friday – to various different locations to track down all the gifts.

Trailers, television. Got to love them. That’s where many of my favourite artists were developed.

Last month, the band of the month was Fall Out Boy.

This month, it is Jack’s Mannequin and a band that has always been here but not very widely known – yet still great Jagstar.

I am greatly infatuated with their new song, “I’m Leavin’” featured on the Hills trailer, a spin off of Laguna Beach featuring Lauren Conrad.

Okay – I need to stay up tonight because time has quickly passed me by today. I am REALLY behind and really beginning to stress out about anatomy. My wide range of methods of studying isn’t really working all that well.

Must tackle it another way and quick before its too late.

I am listening to Mugglecast right now. I am pretty happy right now. I just finished my lab test for the second and final test. The results were so different from the last one I did. I am certain I did well on this test.

So, I may be able to get a C in Anatomy after all. Mind you it wasn’t what I was shooting for but as long as I don’t get anything lower than a C which was it looked like. I am happy.

As with the each lab ending regardless, I am always certain and happy that I am in Kinesiology. I mean even in biology there were labs and meeting people but the people in Kinesiolgoy are SO MUCH nicer and friendlier and we just identify more.

It’s just very unfortunate that I haven’t yet taken the first two courses of Kinesiology otherwise I’d be with my other friends taking Research Methods.

I think I finally found a place that I fit in that might actually remain quite a constant =).