So I finished watching it.

It was SO good. I really liked it. But at the same time I feel like this rush of emotions having it all brought back to me again…the horror. The reality…that at school, being at school isn't a barrier, isn't a safety zone.

I remember when I first watched and learned about the Columbine, it was – in Grade 12 English class when I fell asleep during the documentary "Bowling for Columbine" and then I woke up to the black and white video taping exerpt of the shooting. I became wide awake, and watched the rest of it feeling extremely uneased. Well who would be right?

Then we watched it again, the next semester, in my Psychology course. Where I watched the full then and thought about the analysis we did in English and again in Psychology.

I remember in Grade 10, when there were all these "precautions" in place. We had lock down procedures occassionally, teaching us how to act if there was someone with a weapon and shooting. We hid under tables, gone through what we would do in different parts of the school.

…All this is upsetting. I feel guilty that I didn't think about this…went on with my life.

All these media representations especially Numb3rs episode illustrated a striking resemblance. By all the media representation, I really mean One Tree Hill where a key character was killed. 

Now there's a total of 9 people dead through this media representation all which leads to the origin of division in high school; cliques, bullying, creating outcasts…

People say that high school is only a small portion of your life. I couldn't agree more. But when you're in high school is when everything is more dramatic than it perhaps should be.

What I realized is that…you can go anywhere, all these things that are driving people – making people feel worthless, outsiders, like we'll inferior.

I've been bullied before. I have continued to meet people like this before…You just need to manage it otherwise. But considering all other people, I've got it good.

Sometimes I can't help feeling sensitive and like crap and thus, feeling depressed about it…I am trying to work on it…

Man..my eyes are hurting. Okay no studying done…getting up tomorrow to do it. Bah.

Rough day? 

I feel kind of selfish and rather foolish not to have paid as much attention as I should have before.

I am watching Numb3rs new episode right now. This episode has such a strong resemblance to Columbine. So many episodes on school shooting (okay two) of similar concepts. Bridging the gap…the division with cliques, with the evolution of "adult" bullying that scars more than elementary school bullying because now you're suppose to be able to fend for yourself.

Now you don't have teachers to protect you, rather all they can do is endanger you. I finally realized why now. It's almost April 19th, which marks the shooting…write more after this episode.

Maybe things don't change that much after all…eyes are starting to hurt. Promise to write after exams are done.

I am sitting here. Working on my assignment that is due today. 

Today is just one of those days where I feel so upset for some odd reason. Feel like anything can tip me over and just make me cry. One of those moments when you feel like you need a good cry does that make any sense.

I just called my elementary school and through the directory found my grade four teacher, is still working at the school.

I am going to go visit her, either next week on Tuesday when I head home or as soon as my exams are done. I really miss her. I've been thinking about my pass teachers a lot and her a lot especially since I started reading, Tuesdays with Morrie only that I only started and never got around to finishing it.

I remember how this particular teacher and I used to write letters to each other. I don't know what happened. I don't even remember why we stopped or why we stopped. Then for years, I am sad to say, she has left my mind.

Then I keep thinking about how sad I'd be if I never got to say goodbye. I would really miss her.

I plan to give her this book. Okay, so maybe it will be better if I see her after exams since I don't have the greatest timing at this point and I don't know if I'd be able to deal with any baggage heading back to my elementary school, my old home and back to familarity I can barely pass by now. 

 To many memories.

Google Romance….