I just finished watching Grey’s Anatomy’s episode entitled, Superstitution.

I believe in karma, what goes around comes around. But at the same time, I think in trying to make it easier to myself rather than believing I believe I deserve everything I get – sometimes I’d like to think that the world also has this natural balance.

This way of – when you feel really happy or really upset – it can fluctuate. That – that feeling does not last forever; the feeling of happiness per say, that somehow it’ll come to a screeching halt and something else will bring you down to even out all this feeling of satisfaction you feel.

I got an email finally back from my psychology t.a. per usual – it took a while but at least I guess it was somewhat sooner than previous emails.

I don’t get angry. I get angry for a few minutes and then the tears set in and I become upset, depressed. Crying again. That’s what always happens.

I am upset. I am upset that she was so rude and straight forward to me like it was my fault. I am upset that she made it sound so absolute. I am upset to know that she’s the one marking me, she’s the one who will be determining my mark. I am upset that – now I feel like things are all going wrong when really its not everything and that because of this very email, I am shunned and too blind to look at it too optimistically.

I didn’t eat a proper dinner today. It consisted of popcorn, root beer and two pieces of Hershey’s caramel chocolate. I am not going to my chiro this week. Didn’t make an appointment. I really should be reading for psychology and preparing for the test like it would be on Wednesday, very thankful I don’t have a meeting on Tuesday.

I have three assignments due next week as well as a test and exams to prepare for.

I wanted to see my statistics t.a. but at the moment I am being unrational and generalizing t.a.’s and so at this moment I don’t want to see her.

I honest believe this happened “superstitutiously” speaking because I needed a wake up call. All this feeling earlier about wanting a boyfriend. The feeling of being with someone or just kind of having the reliant of my self-confidence and safety on someone else. This occurred to get my priorities straight. It occurred to remind me of school’s importance and of course to regulate the balance of happiness.

Logically, trying to understand my t.a. I coiuld only guess that my professor haggled her about having an exam makeup date for me and not notifying me so she’s putting it fixed on a day so, she doesn’t have to deal with it again and get it over with.

I am tired. I am going to bed. Wish me luck to get through this week.