I just finished watching Grey’s Anatomy’s episode entitled, Superstitution.

I believe in karma, what goes around comes around. But at the same time, I think in trying to make it easier to myself rather than believing I believe I deserve everything I get – sometimes I’d like to think that the world also has this natural balance.

This way of – when you feel really happy or really upset – it can fluctuate. That – that feeling does not last forever; the feeling of happiness per say, that somehow it’ll come to a screeching halt and something else will bring you down to even out all this feeling of satisfaction you feel.

I got an email finally back from my psychology t.a. per usual – it took a while but at least I guess it was somewhat sooner than previous emails.

I don’t get angry. I get angry for a few minutes and then the tears set in and I become upset, depressed. Crying again. That’s what always happens.

I am upset. I am upset that she was so rude and straight forward to me like it was my fault. I am upset that she made it sound so absolute. I am upset to know that she’s the one marking me, she’s the one who will be determining my mark. I am upset that – now I feel like things are all going wrong when really its not everything and that because of this very email, I am shunned and too blind to look at it too optimistically.

I didn’t eat a proper dinner today. It consisted of popcorn, root beer and two pieces of Hershey’s caramel chocolate. I am not going to my chiro this week. Didn’t make an appointment. I really should be reading for psychology and preparing for the test like it would be on Wednesday, very thankful I don’t have a meeting on Tuesday.

I have three assignments due next week as well as a test and exams to prepare for.

I wanted to see my statistics t.a. but at the moment I am being unrational and generalizing t.a.’s and so at this moment I don’t want to see her.

I honest believe this happened “superstitutiously” speaking because I needed a wake up call. All this feeling earlier about wanting a boyfriend. The feeling of being with someone or just kind of having the reliant of my self-confidence and safety on someone else. This occurred to get my priorities straight. It occurred to remind me of school’s importance and of course to regulate the balance of happiness.

Logically, trying to understand my t.a. I coiuld only guess that my professor haggled her about having an exam makeup date for me and not notifying me so she’s putting it fixed on a day so, she doesn’t have to deal with it again and get it over with.

I am tired. I am going to bed. Wish me luck to get through this week.

I am so excited for today. I know I know…don’t have too much high hopes but man…I can’t wait till its my year to party.

My head’s hurting now. Probably because I am on the computer. I could be using this spare time to read a recreational book that I have lying here and oh right. ALL THE WORK I have to do.

My lack of motivation is sad. My addiction to television and computers is also sad. Someone help me.

I feel so disoriented. I fell asleep like three hours ago. And now that I am awake. I am awake but I don’t feel fully rested yet, I don’t feel well enough to sleep again.

Ugh…and I didn’t get an email from anyone yet. It’s okay. Really. I am just impatient.

So this morning I got up…I yawned today but I was still awake. Well, it looks as if I will be staying up tonight regardless to work on my assignment and studying for my psychology test.

Well, okay the meeting is in an hour so I have sometime before the meeting. I think I’ll go and then see how it goes and see whether I can volunteer.

Well here’s the reasons why I am writing. I got another email from my dad. I know I know..I should relaly stop emailing my dad. Okay I will.

I just kind of needed whether I should live on residence next year. To be honest, I kind of didn’t want to be cause I wanted home cooked food and I’d save more money but since my dad emailed me back.

This morning I watched an episode of Related. Then I decided to email my dad to ask him whether I should be living on residence next year…it would have been better if I could discuss it with him…but he wouldn’t be back in time before the applications are due.

Speaking of residence I also haven’t heard from the donship since our last group interview and their still a 3rd stage if you made it through the second stage. *sigh* Maybe I just didn’t make it. It’s almost Friday and nothing…

But yes, I’ve decided to try to email my dad in Spanish so that he’d be able to read it more fluently. I had to have SOME assistance – online translators so that I could vaguely put my sentences together.

He emailed me back just a few minutes ago. Not a very good sign since he’s in Hong Kong right now, which means that its 3am, he really shouldn’t be up this late. But he wrote back this time he didn’t have that much assistance from my cousin. He wrote it himself, which makes me more proud and happy. Actually either way is still a nice gesture.

I’ll call my mother today if I have time to ask her what she thinks and to pay my tuition.

There’s this video made…that has been circulating the internet.

I watched it today off of a friend’s link. It’s hilarious.

I just opened my email to find that my dad wrote me an email back. I had sent him a picture earlier of the entire family while he’s gone. Since he’s going to be gone for a while – till beginning of May and I missed him.

I had just spoken to him the day before yesterday…and he mentioned that he wanted to have the language of his email interface changed – so that he’d be able to read it. So I changed it for him and while doing so, I thought to email him.

I can’t believe he emailed me back. My dad’s English isn’t exactly very fluent so the fact that he wrote back and he made an effort really means a lot to me. I mean…reading it just made me miss him more and my eyes water….

He said where he was and told me that he would take care of himself, not to worry.

I am just so touched. I know its just a simple gesture but it means so much that he did. I know he seldom or never emailed anyone outside of a business context before.

I am rather happy that I am home today since I don’t have class tomorrow. I got some groceries and some fruits. I just hope I make use to tomorrow to study.

Stomache. I am starting to feel slightly more motivated now. Listening to music helps.

I watched a little bit of Gilmore Girls but it’s just disappointing when the present episodes and season has not really gotten to the good expectations that the previous seasons have given me…or to that quality.

I am feeling slightly more motivated but of course, my tiredness and my stressfulness will later be wearing in soon and then I’ll be rendered useless to myself.

Ugh, why does the timing for the conference always not a good time. Timing never really works.

Listening to lovely-dovey music makes it slight depressing and a bad reminder of my small barely run in with Greg today.

Yes, my stomach did the twirly thing. Unstabling and I vaguely have to be in the same room with the guy for three days. Wonderful…try to act cool or normal Natalie. Not ackward.

Hopefully my sanity will remain with me pass today.

Someone help me out…I am feeling utterly pretty much almost no motivation to work and I know I should have motivation and such.

This is constantly a problem with me. My lack of motivation. I’d just wouldn’t feel like working and nothing to get me going. Music sometimes gets me going, or watching Gilmore Girls but lately none of these aspects are getting me motivated to work…and I have so much work and I know that motivation of course plays a very important role in doing well.

I need to do well but I feel like something is missing. I feel empty – someone help me feel motivated.

Seriously, I can’t sleep properly at night because they’re STILL up (roomates) and now I can’t nap because they’re choosing to vaccum. So when can I sleep?

I know I know…with the workload I have I shouldn’t be sleeping or napping. Ugh.